Abide: to continue in a place

Abide: to continue in a place

A month prior I attempted suicide via overdose while isolated in a city view suite at the Adolphus Hotel in downtown Dallas.

It was in this place, where I felt I had hit rock bottom, the Lord began calling me into a season of active rest. I wish I could say it got better, but unfortunately, it got a whole lot worse...

because I didn't see the Lord as good, I didn't trust Him.

I continued a double-minded, two-faced life. I would speak of God's goodness and genuinely see how He loved others, but could not see how He loved or was good to me. My substance abuse quickly spiraled out of control. Over the next six months

I lost my mind. I started hallucinating, hearing voices, seeing the visitations of demons.

But the Lord kept gently whispering in my ear, Son, "Abide." And yet, I continued to choose active rebellion against Him because it was easier to run than to sit. Easier to fill my life up with things than to chance "losing it all" by coming clean about my struggles. Ironically, the first day I found rest,

I was frantically running down the Sante Fe Trail evading police helicopters,

paranoia is a pit of despair. Experiencing the gift of desperation, I called out to God for help and shortly thereafter, my wife.

The Belonging Co. song ft. Lauren Daigle, “Peace Be Still.”