My Experience with Toxic Church Culture: A response to Docu Series ‘Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed’
It was a Sunday morning in 2016 and we were leading the “host” team (the door greeters). Part of our duty was to help divide the volunteers up across all the doors so each visitor was greeted. We had a regular. We’ll call her “Amy”. Amy looooved being there. Amy was also mentally handicapped. She was fully functional, as sweet and awkward as they came and didn’t dress like the rest of us but she would arrive bright and early any Sunday her Momma would be willing to bring her. This particular Sunday, we asked Amy to stand at the doors closest to the Pastor’s room (aka Green Room). About 5 minutes later a Staff Pastor approaches.
“She can’t be there” She stated.
“Who can’t be where?” I asked, puzzled.
“Amy, she has sores all over. We can’t let [the Pastors] see that” she stated, pointing in Amy’s direction.
A blank stare and a paleness washed over me. Unsure of how to proceed and baffled by what I was just told, I nodded and walked away toward Amy. As I shamefully recall, I asked Amy to come help me at another door while my husband found another more ‘suitable’ greeter per the request of that Staff Pastor.
***
Some people know the intimate details of our story. A handful are aware of the facts. And some may have pieced together the rest. Many more missed our absence all together and certainly some may have never questioned our absence.
We were removed from our church body in Dallas without any option for reconciliation. We were told to “go somewhere else and get healthy”. And swiftly excommunicated. Phone calls and text messages ceased. ‘Friendships’ vanished. To be very clear, we weren’t healthy. We were hurting and we hurt others as a result. And, the removal of our “ownership” (aka membership) to that church body was revoked without Biblical grounds.
Why do I share this? Because the hurt and pain described is all too familiar. Watching the story of Hillsong unfold over the years has been heartbreaking. Namely because - it isn’t supposed to be this way. The church, as intended according to scripture, isn’t designed to hurt, cause grief or be scandalous for greed or immorality. The church was designed to be a body of believers, gathered together to instruct, equip, worship, serve and pray according to scripture. (Though my description is very loosely phrased, I encourage you to study and read the Book of Acts for a true and beautiful picture of His Church).
As I’ve read the headlines, watched the news reporting and mourned for the hurting and abused while I viewed the recent docu series I was left speechless. And instantly, I recalled Amy’s story … and many others. However, there’s another specific moment around 2016/2017 that is forever etched in my memory, just like the story of Amy.
We were working on a project for the Pastor’s wife and I was assigned the task of sourcing a few options for curriculum for what I recall was a children’s bible study. As a volunteer (20+ hours a week, mind you), I had little directive and not much experience in the world of children’s church curriculum. So, I approached one of the Lead pastors. He very swiftly replied:
“Look at Hillsong. If they do it, we’ll do it.”
The weight of that statement didn’t register then… but it echoes nOw.
That memory hit me hard as I reflected on those fleeting moments. As I continued the documentary, other memories began to surface. Hearing familiar words and phrases that I once thought were so unique, hit different…. At the time, I thought things at that church were new and ‘cutting edge’. Little did I know just how much the church I attended was mirroring Hillsong. Some of those familiar words, phrases and practices were:
‘Honor’
The Pastor is treated like a celebrity. Had a special door or entry point and/or seat
‘I was loved and valued’
‘Home’
‘Protect the platform’
They wouldn’t let me…
It was basically free labor (Running all around town getting gifts, putting together ‘experiences’, doing tasks as a way to ‘honor the pastor’, getting special meals from Whole Foods, or entertaining ‘special guests’ in the VIP room…)
Protect the institution (the entity trumps the people)
From a birds-eye view those sound pretty great, right? Honor others, ensure people feel loved and valued and believed in, treat the Pastor with honor, serve others, speak positively… And yet, when you get down to it - what’s there? What’s the root? Why are these things being done or practiced? Is it honoring or idolizing? It is setting the table or is it influencing social status? Are the words matching the actions? Are we protecting the church body or the elevation of a leader?
To those who have come across this writing, I implore you. If you find yourself hearing or seeing anything that stands in contradiction to the Gospel of Jesus…. RUN! Run fast and hard to a Gospel-centered community of believers.In a healthy, gospel-centered community you’ll be encouraged and challenged to:
HONOR the Lord your God
ENTHRONE Jesus Christ as the Lord of your life
Seek Christ to protect and provide and ONLY exalt Him
Practice corporate worship, focused on CHRIST
Constantly evaluate who and what you are worshipping
Read scripture and study it- know His words, not the words and creeds if pastors or influencers!
If you’re in a church culture that talks a LOT about their culture, their platform and their leader, please, please consider…. You may be in a toxic church culture.
So, how will you know? I can’t answer that for you. But, here are some things you should consider:
Does your church have an Elder board?
Are the Elders local and active in your church? (Hint: the answer should be YES)
Do multiple preachers, on staff or the Elder board, preach? Or is the platform “protected”?
Do appearances or ‘the way we do things’ or ‘setting the table’ matter more than the way your prepare our hearts and minds to commune with the Creator?
If you’re a volunteer or staffer, are you asked to do things that make you second guess yourself? Are you asked to run errands, book expensive hotel rooms or purchase exclusive gifts for “special guests” that seem not just generous but extravagant? (I did and thought this was ‘generous’. It is - but it can be a sign of much more happening behind the scenes!!)
Are you asked to sit somewhere specific, or told to seat others somewhere specific? Is there a “VIP” section for special guests or higher tithers? (HINT: Where and with whom would Jesus be found sitting?)
Do you get more attention from staff or Pastors when you tithe more?
These tips aren’t the be-all-end-all. They’re based on my experiences and the red flags 🚩 I saw but didn’t want to acknowledge at the time. Or, quite frankly, my own naivety!
I thank God we were removed from that church. It hurt, and still hurts, deeply. And, I don’t think we would’ve seen the toxicity if we hadn’t been ejected the way we were.
For years, we tried to reconcile. We were met with unbiblical responses and as much as that hurt… it grieves our hearts even more to know that so, so many people (maybe even you) are still enslaved to the toxicity that is an unhealthy church body governed by men who seek things meant only for Yahweh.
Dear sister or brother, please know you aren’t alone and the abuse you’re seeing, or experiencing is NOT okay. Speak up and if in the tragic and devastating turn of events, you aren’t met with compassion, kindness and a turning from the things that grieve the Lord’s heart - please, please find refuge in another Christ-centered, gospel-centered, faith-filled and God-fearing church.
A few resources we recommend for sourcing a gospel-centered community or healing from trauma and abuse are: