Hills, Valleys, & Everywhere Between

Like Britney Spears’ 2007 salon breakdown experience, I too have shaved my head in moments of insanity. And although I wouldn’t wish for anyone to walk in the path I have, I am grateful for every step I’ve taken. Because with every step, whether one forward or two back, God’s grace has carried me. It’s carried my family. And whether you agree with me or not, your steps and missteps have carried you, too…

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If You're Reading This, It’s Not Too Late

Though I find it easy to bleed out parts of my story as an offering of what Jesus is doing in my life, there are chapters seemingly unmentionable. I struggle with communicating the periodical brokenness I feel around things related to physical intimacy. Like many children, I grew up with little to no supervision. Subsequently, much of my youth was spent trying to gain the respect of older kids. It was there, a teenager 7 years my senior (I was nine) held me down for three long years…

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Is Your Head Shoved Up Your Past?

The list of could haves and should haves is vast and wide. So is the time spent focusing on things we can’t change. And yet, we expect new outcomes and in doing so we surrender ourselves to the cycle of insanity. I get it though, there are plenty of things in my past I wish I could change. I certainly never wanted to experience drug addiction or near financial ruin. There are investments I missed out on, along with a rolling scroll sized list of mistakes I never thought I’d make…

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Shame is Only Embarrassing If We Allow It To Be

In moments of shame, I wander down paths of darkness traversing great lengths to remain unknown. Out of feelings of embarrassment, I allow sin to rob my voice. In silence, a lack of confession starves my relationship with God and in self preservation, I drift. Isolated, I allow the current of life to pull me away. Wanting to regain ground but unwilling to sacrifice my pride, I sink to depths not meant for anyone and suffocate. Without confession, I drown.

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Well Acquainted With Grief

With the type of sorrow grieving an innocent childhood lost to negligence, I found no value in sadness. Besides, it seemed people liked me best when I was upbeat and happy. Though my general disposition is cheerful, It is unhealthy to assume anyone can stay that way forever. 20 years passed before I allowed myself to grieve. In that time, I developed an exaggerated character of myself. Like a caricature, my positive emotional features became larger than life.

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Forsaking Man's Best Friend

I hate admitting negligence towards my dogs because I like to think I would never cause them harm. However, in drug addiction, I was not only negligent, but downright neglectful. Even though it wasn’t intentional, using made me unavailable to many of life’s demands. Bills went unpaid. I failed to show up to functions requiring my presence. I didn’t feed my animals, let alone myself…

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Longing For Freedom Without Repentance

We got plugged in. We put down roots. We started serving. We got mentors. Then, I relapsed on methamphetamine. Like pennies on a funnel shoot, it was the beginning of a slow and brutal spiral out of control. There are several contributing factors leading to my decision use drugs, however they are all an exaltation of things above Jesus. Trusting in drugs, alcohol, and pornography I pushed Jesus aside. Even though stress, anxiety, abuse, and trauma have to bow to the name of Jesus, I did not.

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A Love Note To My Wife

Though she did not do everything right, she did the right thing by showing up. She helped me when I asked and offered when I didn’t. Without knowing if I would ever recover, she put her dreams and aspirations on pause. She said yes to our marriage, when she could have very well said no. With biblical grounds for termination, she could have walked away…

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